Education jokes

Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.

I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

There are 3 things wrong with this world.

1. Spelling

2. Maths.

...

What do you call a person in America that is not a retard?

A foreign exchange student.

Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?

Because there is no one to teach them.

What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?

Call them retarded.

Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."

Do you know 6+3?

Other person: Nine.

Nein is no in German.

What are American schools?

Shooting ranges.

Guess what, everybody? I'm dumb in math. I'm dumb and stupid at math.

What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?

People jumped off a building to escape it.

Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.

Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.

And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.

Why do orphans go to public schools?

Who's going to homeschool them?

What do Americans call high school?

Shooting range.

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.