Education jokes
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
Why are mountains so smart?
'Cause they have a degree.
A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"
What was JFK's favorite school TV show?
BrainPop.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
One day a teacher says: "What does a pig give us?"
A student says: "Bacon!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a chicken give us?"
A student says: "Eggs!"
The teacher says: "Good! Now, what does a fat cow give us?"
A student says: "Homework!"
The whole class laughs.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
What's long, yellow, and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why was an orphan loving school?
Because the people actually came back.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”
The class was watching a 9/11 documentary.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
What did George Washington Carver have anything to do with gorillas? It's a little possible, ya dummy!
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.