Education jokes
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you canât say you werenât warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldnât remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, âYouâre about to become history.â I almost forgot that we werenât supposed to have any lessons that day.
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
How did Helen Kellerâs parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to âread this bookâ.
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?
Vegetable Soup.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Iâm happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
Where did Michael Jackson go to college?
Bring 'em young.
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. Iâm not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.
Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!