Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
What do you call it when tectonic plates start racing?
Continental Drift.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”
The earth is not round.
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your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat
Your momma's so fat that she is the Earth!
Your chest is flatter than pre-Aristotle's concept of Earth.
What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
If Sakura’s head looks like earth then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer
What would earth say if it had a boy friend U need to com-it
Yo momma's so old that even scientist's get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
What laungage do they speak in the middle of the earth CORE-ean
I think if the center of the earth froze, it'd be pretty hard core.
people in africa have earth fire air but never water
Obi wan be like to earth maul lightsabers are blue lightsabers are red I cut you in half why the fuck aren’t you dead
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth? Ground beef
