Earliness jokes

Q. What do you call a baby born six months early?

A. A miscarriage.

Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

I arrived at a restaurant early and the manager said, "Do you mind waiting a bit?" I said, "I don’t mind," and he said, "OK. Take these trays to table 9."

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

What do you call an Asian that was born too early?

Wong Tai Ming.

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

Why does USA suck at Clash Royale? They already lost two towers.

My mom left me at a very young age.

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

Why did Stephen die so early?

He didn't use long lasting batteries.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

Hey guys! Ello here with an update!

I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!

Little Johnny went to school and right before class started, he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his teacher told him to put on his pants and go to the office. The principal asked him what he did, so he pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Then the principal called his mom. The mom got there and took little Johnny home.

They got in the car, and his mother asked, "Johnny, what did you do this time?" So Johnny pulled his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." Once they got home, his dad was off work and heard that Johnny was coming home early from school. Once again he asked Johnny what he did. Johnny pulled down his pants and said, "Little fishy, little fishy, little fishy." After that, his dad was surprised, so his dad pulled down his pants and said, "Big whale, big whale."

As an Autist, I find these jokes really funny. Thanks for the early 13th birthday present, ya'll :>