Dying jokes
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
I can now cross it off my bucket list
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Die.
Die who?
Me, I want to die.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Q: Mummy, how do most stars die?
A: From an overdose.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
All orphans deserve to die if they don't buy KFC.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
I want to die.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.