Dying jokes
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
I can now cross it off my bucket list
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!
I asked the emo kid if they get jealous when their phone dies.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Die.
Die who?
Me, I want to die.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.
One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.
"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."