Dying jokes
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far from the wall. The cord unplugged.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Q: Mummy, how do most stars die?
A: From an overdose.
Hitler was the most handsome man alive.
Everyone died for him.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
All orphans deserve to die if they don't buy KFC.
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"