Dying jokes
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far from the wall. The cord unplugged.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
Q: Mummy, how do most stars die?
A: From an overdose.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Hitler was the most handsome man alive.
Everyone died for him.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.