Dying jokes

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.

Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.

What did one God say to the other?

"I will die to be a man."

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?

He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.

Hitler was the most handsome man alive.

Everyone died for him.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

They unplugged the wifi.

(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?

No?

Well neither did she.

When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!

Paul Walker started in 3 movies: Fast and Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, To Die Hard.

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing? Dead mooves.

James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)