Dying jokes
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. 🖌
Vote for the better joke!
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
How did Michael Jackson die?
Because he danced like a zombie!
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because there was a power cut.
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.