Dying jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
Q: Mummy, how do most stars die?
A: From an overdose.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because there was a power cut.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's a woman.
No, really. Why can't she drive?
Because she died.
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
How did Technoblade actually die?
He got stabbed!
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.