Dying jokes

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.

What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."

Why did the orphan die on the road? Because they had no one to hold their hand.

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

Yo mama so fat, she died!

How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:

Stephen Hawking died because he got hacked by me, and the update was too strong.

Wanna know why Stephen Hawking died?

He lost his Wi-Fi connection.

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

Why did Stephen Hawking die? His ethernet cable fell out.

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike.

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.

To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”

"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”

“Where do you come from?"

"Rome."

“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”

To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”

Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, never heard of him.”

Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"

"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"He says Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"

What do you call a person who died in war?

Little Johnny.

Did you hear he died of a virus? A computer virus.

Why did Bob Ross die?

Because the paint brush stabbed him.

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

I think I know why Stephen Hawking died, he pressed Alt+F4.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

No... He got nailed! 😅