Dying jokes

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he died.

Me die.

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."

What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.

People love you.

Don't die.

Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."

The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."

First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"

Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.