New Dwarf Jokes

You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.

You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.

You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.

What do you call a fat midget?

Jigglypuff.

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?

Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...

...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?

A ventriloquist.

Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?

It goes right over their head.

I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

Simply because they look up to me.

Why do dwarfs do drugs?

To get high.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

Does a midget count as an orphan?

I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.

What’s a kind midget’s favorite type of joke? Short and sweet.

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

Why you should never borrow money from dwarves?

Because they are always short! 😁😁😁😁

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Why can't dwarfs go to space? Because NASA is not sending monkeys into space anymore.

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.