Drug jokes

What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?

Cocaine.

What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.

You look like Megamind, drug dealer.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite drug? Crack.

What did the duck say to the drug dealer?

Gimme some of that quack!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?

Panera sped.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

*having sex on lexapro*

Her: Cum for me, baby!

Me: I'm trying!

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.

Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I am high and so are you.

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?

Shut up and cut the coke.