Downing jokes

Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.

Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.

Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

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    • Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”

    Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”

    He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”

    In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.

    One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post

    Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?

    Because they have already got 2 towers down.

    How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

    I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

    Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."

    Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"

    Why was 6 afraid of 7?

    Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.

    A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.

    The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”

    “Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”

    “Ten,” says the doctor.

    “What, years? Months?!”

    “Nine...”

    "Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

    "Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

    Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

    when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"

    Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?