What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.
DoS Jokes
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I donβt know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
