DoS jokes
What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
What do emos and the Lorax have in common?
They both hang with trees.
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
Memes
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.