DoS jokes
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.
Memes
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
What do you call a smart blonde?
Nonexistent.
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
Why do women hate having sex with midgets?
Because of their shortcomings.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?
They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"