DoS jokes
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
Memes
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?
A Pre Visa!
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"