DoS jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
Memes
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
What type of meat do priests eat on Good Friday? Nun.
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"