Dont jokes
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Three Vulcans walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."
The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"