Donald Trump jokes
Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?
Because he successfully finished a race!
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"
"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
What is Donald Trump's hairstyle called?
A comb-over.
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?
The orange tastes good.
What is Donald Trump's favorite game?
Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
Donald Trump has too much sand in his vagina.
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
Donald Trump didn't build a wall because he likes going to islands to touch little girls.
Donald Trump and Fanta both have some things in common.
They are both orange and were conceived from Nazis!