Dog Jokes

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.

Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?

A: The honor roll.

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.

What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?

"That hit the spot?"

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."

add me in Roblox wholetthedogsoutyou1 lol who let the dogs out you you you you you?

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!

I got caught doing donuts in the parking lot, and I know what y'all are thinking.

Who names their dog Donuts?

What's a foot fetishist's favorite food? Hot dogs.

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”

“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.

I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.