Dog jokes
Why didn't the dog want to play football??
'Cause he was a boxer!
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.
About a dog.
What's the difference between a gamer and dog poop?
Dog poop touches grass.
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
Why was the dog staying in the shade?
Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake? Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
What do you call a dog without legs?
Nothing, it won't come either way.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.
Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.
Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.
Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
As a kid, I was made to walk the plank.
Because we couldn't afford a dog.
Bully (😏): Name 3 things you don't have.
Orphan named Kaiel (😔): Um... a dog... a doll... and a credit card.
Bully (😡): NO!
Orphan named Kaiel (😟): Sorry, what???
Bully (🤣): Parents. Family. And a home with people you love.