DOE jokes

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabytes.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?

Hangman.

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?

Because he can't run home.

What store does an orphan hate?

Family Tree.

How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

What show does an orphan hate the most? Modern Family.

Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.

What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.

Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?

Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.

Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?

He took away their ottoman!