DOE jokes
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
Memes
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
What show does an orphan hate the most? Modern Family.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?
Because he can't run home.
What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?
They both smell like "Teen Spirit."
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
What store does an orphan hate?
Family Tree.
What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?
5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.