DOE jokes

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabytes.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

They both thank you for your financial support.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?

He took away their ottoman!

What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

What store does an orphan hate?

Family Tree.

What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.

How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.

Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?

Because he can't run home.

How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. They hire me to do it.

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."