DOE jokes
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
What does a slave owner use to buy slaves? A Master Card.
What does a blind man say when he passes the fish market?...."Hello ladies!"
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
What show does an orphan hate the most? Modern Family.
What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?
Because he can't run home.