DOE jokes
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
Why does God hate me?
Because I'm a gay minority who fights for women's rights.
What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
What do Asian people eat?
Rice.
What does a Hufflepuff wolf say? “I will huffle and puff, and blow your house down!”
That is related to Harry Potter 🧙🏼♂️.
Why does Donald Trump smell like dog shit? Cuz he's a dawg!
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Dumb kid: What does homework mean?
Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?
Me:
"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That I will never get old.
What does "A" say to "ss"?
"We are the perfect couple. We make Ass."
What do Ethiopian people have better than Australians?
Internet.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
What does a middle aged man live in?
A retarded kid he keeps in the van.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .