DOE jokes
Why does Little Johnny hate hot dogs?
It reminds him of last night.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How do parents punish their blind kid? They move the bed.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
Why do orphans love Oreos?
Because when they have a family pack, they can eat it all!
What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?
We're all empty on the inside.
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
Why does the orphan like nature? He can call someone "mother."
Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."
What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?
Criminals are wanted.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"
What does a cloud wear in a storm?
Thunderwear.
Why does an orphan love baseball? Because their ball comes back, get pranked, bitch!
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"