DOE jokes
1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready, kids?🤣
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.
What does an Emo kid and Ted Bundy have in common?
They're both gay and use knives.
What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?
"The whole pile of shits."
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
Why do orphans get in trouble at school?
Because the school doesn't have any parents to report to.
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What does the M and D in "orphan" stand for?
"Mum" and "Dad."
What do orphans in Batman have in common? They'll never see their parents again.
What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?
"Need help packing your shit?"
What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?
They have no way home.
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
How do bees go to school?
They go on a buzzzzzzzzzzz.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Tiles.
WTF did you think he’d tile it with?
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?