DOE jokes
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.