A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
DOE Jokes
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer!
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
How many Africans does it take to change a light?
A water bottle.
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
