Doctor Jokes

Hailey

Patient: Sorry I’m so nervous, this is my first surgery.

Doctor: Oh don’t worry, mine too!!

in Orphan

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

Hello
in Orphan

Asian kid : I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math. Me : That’s what I call a orphan!

deez ballz

When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is

You respond: cancer

Doctor says: well what a coincidence!

My willy was feeling itchy so I decided to go to the doctor. My doctor was foreign, and spoke Spanish with and Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU

Sasha
in Human

One time a kid came to the hospital and said “I really need help”, the kid said he was really hot so the put an ice cold towel on him. Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems and he said “yes I am really hot” and the doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said “are you sure, you look amazing” and the kid said that he ment to say I look hot!

Anonymous
in Ugliness

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life so he shot him then the judge gave him 15 years so there you go problem solved.

Doctor: congratulations!!! Women: was it a successful delivery? Doctor: no it’s DiGiorno!

Yo Mama sucs Deez Nuts

An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…🥵🤣

Anonymous
in Orphan

Doctor : I can’t treat you ORPHAN: WHy! Doctor :I’m a family Doctor

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”

Anonymous
in Surgery

A book went to the doctors office and said:”doctor doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever😂😂

Anus McDickNuggets
in Harassment

Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady apparently it’s “harassment!”

my doctor gave me one year to live so i shot him the juge gave me 15 problem solved

in Depression

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

Man goes to a doctor says he’s having problems shitting so the doctor gives him so enama and says he needs to do it a few times at home but does the first one for him so the guy bends over the table lubs him up and shoves it deep in him and he yells. so later the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enama so he bends over she lubs him up puts a hand on his shouler and she shoves it up there and he starts screaming and cussing and the wife asks did I hurt u? He said no I just realized when the doctor did it he had both hands on my shoulders

Anonymous

Your’e moama is so funey looking that when the doctor called her he said never visit me againe I hope you dye

Went to the doctor told him Ive been having dreams first about a wigwam then about a teepee he said I was 2 tents

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that’s actually useful like cyanide

Anonymous
in Orphan

Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:👁👄👁🖕