If I was going to the doctor he asked me to turn around and he stuck a nettle in my ass

What is the difference between a Priest and a Doctor

The Doctor doesn’t like to give physicals.

The doctor asking why Ive broken 19 bones in the past week

My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!

well what am i gonna do now…

when i went to the doctors he pulled his wife in, and said what do you see? I replied a fat bitch he said ok your eyesight is perfect.

why did the doctor check out earth? he had a tummy quake

Why did the monkey 🐒 take his banana 🍌 to the doctor 👩‍⚕️?

Because it wasn’t peeling good.

Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩‍⚕️?

Because he had a sour stomach.

A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said “ Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.” The lady asks, “Am I pregnant? “. To which the Doctor replied “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn’t peeling very well!

A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please.’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

What time is it you spran an ankle or an arm ? Time to go to the doctor 🥼

So what is the difference between a real doctor

I went to the doctors yesterday I said: when I touch my back it hurts when I touch my knee it hurts when I touch anything it hurts! 😣 what’s wrong with me Doctor: you’ve broken your finger

I went to the eyedoctor and I couldn’t read. they showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle Apollo says “if you eat that buffet everyone you love will die”. Up yours the man said what are they going to die of famine. Moments later there was a incident that took place in the restaurant everyone literally died. it turn the restaurant had a B-. I said is that really a thing groaning on the hospital. The doctor said know that is your condition you hepatitis B-.

“What the FU***** SH**”

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus Dying also in laughter.

So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”

The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

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