Why does cancer kill you? Because it does. 🌝
Disease Jokes
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.
I AM SO SORRY!
Read this and you're gay.
Depression has been entered into your body.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
I wish Stephen Hawking could've just walked—oh wait, never mind.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!
So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"
The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"
Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!
So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"
So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
