Disability jokes
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...
Oh, wait.
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).