Disability jokes
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."
"Then how about Karaoke?"
To which he replied, "I have two left throats."
People in wheelchairs need to stand up for themselves.
What are wheelchair users experts at?
Being lazy.
What’s better than Stephen Hawking?
Stephen walking.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
Our Deaf Friend
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
Why do you make fun of disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a chair, then a table.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."
Why did he not love anymore? His battery died.
Stop making jokes about people in wheelchairs. They can't stand up for themselves.
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
Stephen Hawking is the real Slim Shady... but he can’t stand up ☹️
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
Why didn't Superman save the Twin Towers?
Because he's a quadriplegic.