Disability jokes
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
My gf dumped me, so I took her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
Helen Keller deaf-initely faked it!
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Black.