Disability jokes
How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
Memes
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?
Stephen Hawking.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?
A. System of a Down's syndrome.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?
Dribble.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.