Disability jokes

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

- Mommy, I want a bicycle!

- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.

Why can't disabled people make jokes?

Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?

A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a door, and a staircase.

What is the part of school with all the autistic people called? Downtown.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Did you know Hellen Keller has a pool?

Neither did she.

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

- They see me rolling.

What do you call an Asian who can't hear?

Wha U Sai

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."

The room was full of arm amputees.

Where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP.

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?

She screamed until her hands got tired.

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... oh wait.