Disability jokes
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a chair, and a table, and a wall.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special Forces.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.
He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?
Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.