Disability jokes

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

Why can't blind people eat fish?

Because it's sea food.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a table, and chairs.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

Who is the best at musical chairs?

The kid in the wheelchair.

What is black and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

Neither has he.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast.

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”

Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.