Disability jokes
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him for a drag.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite genre of music? Rock and roll.
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He lost WiFi connection.
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
"Rueben Glover is a Steven Hawking spastic."
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?