Disability jokes
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
What’s Stephen Hawking's favorite song? Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.
What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.
Stephen Hawking lost Wi-Fi connection.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
What do you call a bunch of bi-racial, retarded kids? Mixed vegetables.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
Stephen Hawking's last words were, "Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down."
Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.
Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.
Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.
Why did the disabled chicken cross the road?
To get its wheelchair!
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Oh wait, he didn't.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.