Disability jokes
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
What shampoo does Stephen Hawkings use?
Head & Shoulders.
That moment when the disabled kid has to take the Pacer test.
Why can't people in wheelchairs pass high school?
The pacer test.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking pass? Because he couldn't pass "I'm not a robot" test.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
Armless child: Can you give me a hand??
Me: Ok.
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.
Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.