A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
Disability Jokes
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
What do you call Stephen Hawking going fast?
Hot Wheels.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
Do you think Stephen Hawking could ever plug his Instagram or anything?
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
He dead, he alive, but most importantly, he got a new hard drive.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.
He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
What was the one test Stephen Hawking couldn't pass? The beep test.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?
Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.
What do [you] call Tyler Brown?
A spaz.
