Difference jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.

I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?

What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?

The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.

What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.

What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?

One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.

I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.

He one day said his business was "remarkable."

What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?

Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?

There isn't one; they are both the same thing.

What is the difference between snow boots and snow boots and walk home?

What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

What’s the difference between an emo kid and a dead pig?

Suicide squad.

Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!

What's the difference between you and an orphan?

Nothing.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?

The fridge actually runs.

What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?

Your mom finishes.

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?

I don't know. I forgot.

What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?

My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.