Difference jokes
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
👱♀️ 👱♂️What is the difference between two blondes and a Libertarian?
A Libertarian hasn't won a presidential election since 1972, and two blondes are too stupid to run in a presidential election.
What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?
One has more channels.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and feminism? The Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists, while feminism was created by terrorists.
What’s the difference between air and a six year old?
Air has resistance.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hoe? A hoe can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.