Difference jokes

What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?

Jesus got pegged against a cross.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What’s the difference between Hitler and a bug?

Nothing.

What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?

One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?

I don't eat burritos.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?

The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”

And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?

A dog gets adopted.

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.