Die jokes
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.