Dick's jokes

Alligator

    • A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.

    The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

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    • Priest

    • Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?

    Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

    Dick's memes

    Dick

    • Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?

    Crush: Candice.

    Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?

    Crush: *slaps me, walks away*

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    • Pee

    • A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.

    He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.

    Dick

    • My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.

    Pic

    • I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!

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    • Man

    • How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.

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    • Friend

    • I have a trans friend.

    He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.

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    • Dick

    • Best thing ever right here.

    So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.

    Dick

    • Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.

    So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.

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