Dick's jokes
I stood in front of the mirror. "Joseph, I will love and protect you forever," my dick cooed. I looked down at it, a single crystalline tear sliding down my face. I was at peace.
Hell you fuck, bitch, dick!
Huh what you say?
Come fight me, suck a dick.
You're an apple. Now suck my dick!
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
dick
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?
It’s called "Maybe Dick."
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?
Because they got little dicks and big mouths.
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
How do you have sex? You take off your clothes and shove your dick in the girl's pussy. If girl suck his dick.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).
Seriously, who wants dicks?
What do you call someone with a small dick... whoever is reading this 😉
Guys, why are we being racist? Why can't we love each other, please? Gimme that dick, boy. Please stop fighting. Let's love each other and them big ole dicks, please. Gimme that dick. I hate racism.