Dick's jokes

What's the definition of a bastard?

Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

Why did Obama marry Michelle?

Because he's into chicks with dicks.

How do you suck a dick?

Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.

I eat dick.

Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?

Because they got little dicks and big mouths.

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”

Deaf people suck lots of dicks.

They can't hear!

My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.

What do gay horses eat?

Horse dick.

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

I can make a word with those: "DICK".

What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?

Your dick shots longer.

Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

My dick.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

Femboys are looking kinda tasty for a date, especially the dick and their balls.

I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."

What do you call a dick that doesn't fit in an asshole?

A misfit.

A hand is always sad when it sees a dick is going inside.