Dick's jokes
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
I eat dick.
Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?
Because they got little dicks and big mouths.
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
My dick.
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.