Diabetes

Diabetes Jokes

TV

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

TV

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"

Jack

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.

No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.

Boy

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.

Ad

Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.

Health

Health commercials be like:

Serious side effects can cause:

Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!

Health

When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!

Sugar

A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.

When the doctor saw this, he said,

"From Type 2 Diabetes!"

Get it?

Drunk

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

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  • Life

    What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?

    Diabetes.

    Soup

    Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

    Because your mother has diabetes.

    Obesity

    One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

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  • Wife

    Diabetic wives are like Cillit Bang. Squeeze them a bit and bang! The bed is gone.

    Coke

    I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018