There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...
I'm hard right now.
'Cause you're a DICKstraction. ;)
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
"Suck my sugar, honey, it's very sweet and juicy."
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
I'm hungry.
Good night, boys.
I like goodies.
F*ck me!
I'm not gay, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
#takemebacksophie
Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Yeah, me too.
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
What do we want? Plane noises!
When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!
Kaden wants to have sex with you.
Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.
Man: I wish for more wishes.
Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.
Man: I wish I could.
Genie: ......
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."
