Depression jokes
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...
"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"
"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
Where do depressed people go to eat?
Suicide Sonic.
I'm in the year 1930...
The Great Depression.
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
What do you call a sad, depressed artist? Anything but "Cows of Woe".
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
Can emos eat a happy meal, or is it a depressed meal?
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)