Delivery jokes
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
Q) What was the last pizza delivery to 9/11?
A) Two large planes.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.