Delivery jokes
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?
Yeah, he Pasta-Way.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Why were the people in the Twin Towers upset? They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plane.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
It said to submit a joke, and that's what my mom did when I was born.
Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
Q) What was the last pizza delivery to 9/11?
A) Two large planes.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why is Santa’s sack so big?
Because he only comes once a year.