Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
A man was at the temperature -273.15°C. He was OK.
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).
How many degreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees does Billy Corgan have?
1979.
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?
Because it has at least one hundred degrees.
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?
It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.
It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.
Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].
If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.
Why did the glacier send the iceberg to college?
Because, in order for ice to exist, it must retain a temperature of less than... ZERO DEGREES at the atomic level!
Why didn't the right angle go to college? Because he had 90 degrees.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.