Definition jokes

Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.

What is the definition of confusion?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market.

Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.

"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.

What is the definition of a woman?

A life support system for a vagina.

If at first you don’t succeed... then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

Did you know that the letter "f" in "orphan" stands for family?

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

What's the definition of total chaos?

A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.

What does the "W" stand for in Africa?

Water.

What's the definition of rude?

Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.

The extra detention didn't do much, but the extra chromosome definitely did.

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

A friend asked what an acorn is.

I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”

The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.