Defense jokes
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
jacethehater, you are a hater, and it needs to stop! Waterhsharky is very nice to people, so leave him alone for whatever he/she did or did not do. He did not do nothing. So leave him/her alone. Plus, making threats to people is very bad, and comments can be seen everywhere! So don't get too cocky with everything.
Gemini, it is you who is trying to start such a big mess for no reason. I never said it had a charm or a lead roll. I just want love and spread kindness. PS: I use my brain. I use it all the time, just for your information. I just hope we can be friends.
Best, Gwen
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.
We should not stop orphan jokes. They're funny as fuck.
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!
People: You're ugly.
Me: Ok.
People: I hate you.
Me: Cool, IDC.
People: You're annoying.
Me: Good for me.
People: BTS is dumb.
Me: I'll give you 5 seconds to run!